ACCORDING to the Times, the University of Leicester has ordered academics to say the word ‘menopause’ three times a day. It has also created a ‘Menopause Café’ where they can share their experiences of the change of life.
What is not clear, however, is how far apart the declarations of the M-word should be. Three times, one after the other, before lectures? Or sporadically during the day – for example at the lunch table: ‘Deirdre, darling, could you MENOPAUSE! pass the salt?’
Or during Islamic Awareness Studies – ‘Britain should be subject to MENOPAUSE! sharia law, don’t you agree?’
Or in the taxi – ‘Take me to the Rose and MENOPAUSE! Crown, please, cabbie.’
The permutations are endless. And why should it stop at the menopause? This must be an opportunity to humiliate further the few remaining middle-aged white men on the staff.
Repeat after me: ‘BALDNESS, BALDNESS, BALDNESS!’
Followed by: ‘LEATHER ELBOW PATCHES, LEATHER ELBOW PATCHES, LEATHER ELBOW PATCHES!’
Oh to be a fly on the wall at the next Menopause Café meeting. Perhaps they’ll all gather around for a game of poker. But who wins, when they’ve all got hot flushes?